Well here's mine...
1. I have no food processor of any kind, so i just had to make something. I made a mixer blade for an electric drill by screwing an impellor to the end of an aluminum rod. The impellor was made from the bottom of an aluminum can. lol
2. Yolk+vinegar+lemon juice,mustard,salt + slowly drizzle in oil... ====> 1 cup of oil with stuff in it.
Yes I failed

It was rather upsetting

. The only thing I could figure is that my eggs aren't real fresh. But I refused to be beat!
3. Cleaned up and started over. This time no lemon juice, just the vinegar. I went excruciatingly slowly: I made individual additions of oil, making sure each addition was absolutely accomodated. Well this time it worked

It was mayonnaise alright.. very thick. I thought "that was so cool!" It's fascinating - the emulsion will either catch or not...
4. With a cucumber salad in mind, I made an ultra-light dressing using the mayo, some 2% milk, dash of basil, parsley, and chives, a splash of old white wine, pinch of salt and white pepper, and a good dose of fresh lime juice.
5. The salad was made by laying down some dressing, then placing a stack of hollow cucumber slices, filling the inside with dressing. Then some tomatoes and cucumbers were arranged and garnished with minced shallots. Celery sprigs were placed around that. A dab of dressing on top with paprika for more color contrast. (I know I broke the odd-number guidline... hehe)
It was very good. Of course the lightness of the dressing suited the cucumbers well with a good flavor match. I would probably try half & half next time though, it was almost too light. Damn - I should have put some of the lime zest in the dressing haha, cause I was missing some "zing". A very small amount of brunoise jalapeno might have added some complexity. I was going for ultra simple, ultra light though. The shallots were essential. Overall, my salad might be kinda weird and non-spectacular but I learned a lot hehe.